Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent

By Jef Jaisun

© 1966, 1967, 1969, 1982, 1985, 1993 Stereo Love Music
All rights reserved.


Hey kids! Print this out and invent your own chords!


Yer truckin' casually down the street

When a man comes up to ya lookin' beat

With telltale traces of hippie on his chin

You say howdy, he says "Hi,

Got anything that'll make me fly?

And if ya do I surely wish you'd let me in

On what yer dealin', brother."

In your mind you start to wonder

What to turn this fella onto

Then you get a look into his eyes

You find his beard is only make-up

And his line is purely fake-up

Then and only then you realize

He's your Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent

Friendly neighborhood narco man

Courtesy of your local FBI

Your friendly neighborhood narco daddy

All-american finking Feddie

There to trip you up while you are high



You're sitting in the coffeehouse gloom

When the waiter comes up to you with a broom

And asks to sweep the floor around your chair

You ask him why and he says, "Routine -

"We like to keep our coffee clean."

And he begins to tidy up with care

*You light yourself a cigarette

And find out soon as you got it lit

That 40 new-found friends are by your side

Then someone hands you a note that's penciled

Telling you your flight's been cancelled

Just the same you're going for a ride, with your…



*(Alternate 80's section:

You dip your spoon and carve a line

Lay your nostril next to mine

When 40 college kids show up to snort

And as they're peeling off their clothes

Some bug-eyed dude with a plugged up nose

Is standing by to blow your brains apart

It's your…)



Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent

Friendly neighborhood narco man

Courtesy of your local FBI

Your friendly neighborhood narco daddy

All-american finking Feddie

There to trip you up while you are high



You duck into an alley way, thinking,

"Hey, maybe I can cop a J

And get back before the boss finds out I'm gone."

Remembering the golden rule

You look both ways, make sure it's cool

And when there ain't a soul for miles around

You clutch your baggie full of weed

And careful not to spill a seed

You roll a joint as big as Baltimore

And as you take that first big drag in

A helicopter drops a paddy wagon

Guess who's standing smiling by the door



It's your Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent

Friendly neighborhood narco man

Courtesy of your local CIA

Your friendly neighborhood college drop-out

Undercover copper cop-out

Keeping law and order bright and gay

Yes, you find out that the freak your trusted

Is the fink that got you busted

And 20 years is a long time to stay on the ground



-----------------------------------------------------------



Spring is here, the weather's warm

You buy yourself a little farm

Way up in the California hills

Instead of brewing mountain dew

You plant yourself a little boo

And ya sow the seed in hillside rows and drills

One sunny day you walk outside

Grab your garden rake with pride

And sally forth to cultivate your crop

When from the sky, like acid rain,

A military cargo plane

Starts gassing all your sprouts with Paraquat



It's your Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent

Friendly neighborhood narco man

Doing just what Uncle Sam expects

Who cares about a little spray

That shit's illegal anyway

And he'd rather have you hooked on birth defects



Your uncle died a while ago

But he left you something, doncha know

A hundred million smackers in his will!

You thought of investing in fishing worms

Stocks and bonds or high tech firms

But none of that seemed to give you much of a thrill

So you headed down Miami way, hopped a flight for Quito Bay

Where you promptly bought yourself a fleet of two-man subs

You filled 'em up with bricks and blocks

But when you surfaced at the Miami docks

Waiting on the pier were Crockett and Tubbs



And your Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent

Friendly neighborhood narco man

Don't that Cuban suit sure look nice?

He does his best to keep it clean

He wants to be a sex machine

When he does his guest shot on Miami Vice



I wrote this song I don't know when

I swore I'd never sing it again

But no matter what I do it won't go 'way

You'd think in these days of superstars

MTV and VCR's

You kids could come up with better tunes to play

But this jock in LA keep spinning the thing

And I keep hearing my telephone ring

So I guess it's my mission in life to fill this void

Ounce for ounce, pound for pound

I'm glad the narcs are still around

Wouldn't be no fun if you couldn't be paranoid

Of your…



Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent

Friendly neighborhood narco man

Courtesy of the gang at DEA

Who cares if the joker didn't inhale

It ain't his ass what's going to jail

Though his wife might put him there some day

It still could be worse than it seems

You could have Nancy Reagan running through your dreams

And 20 years is a long time to just say no.


Jef Jaisun -- El Jefe
eljefe@eljefe.net

Had enough?

Back To The Narco Agent FAQ

Back To Casa del Jefe